9 Months

Yesterday I took Katie to a CBD doctor. I went into that appointment feeling pretty disheartened. It was yet again another appointment where I was walking in and wondering why I was doing this in the first place. Was I blowing money away for the simple fact that it might make me feel better, so that I could have that feeling that I was fighting for my daughter’s life. “I’m not giving up! Look at me everyone! I’m here trying again, to help her survive it. Please don’t give up on supporting me! I haven’t given up hope…” Hope, something I lost on week one when her Dr. said her average life expectancy rate was 9 months. But I went there any way. What if there is a chance and I don’t do this and I regret it forever! Deep down feeling that it probably wouldn’t matter, she has 9 months, her oncologist said so, several kids died last week of DIPG and it’s all over Facebook with average survival rates of, you guessed it… 9 months. As long as she was in my body growing. When they say 9 months, they really mean 9 months. It’s only been 2 for me, and I feel like we’ve been at this for 9 years. I can’t look at my daughter without angst, and thoughts of her unable to breathe, swallow, see, hear, talk. I’m planning a funeral every time I have to think ahead and beyond that 9 months’ time frame for her. Should we buy bigger boots? Should we pay for a full years’ worth of 1st grade school clothes? It’s a constant pounding on my heart, brain, emotions, life… And ambulances… It’s always the ambulances that break me and pull me back into that lack of hope. It swallows me up and brings me to that moment in the not so distant predictable future, 7 months from now. I took that long drive anyway, waited in that waiting room forever, and walked in that room with that Dr. and in so many words and with silent glances as she spoke, I screamed, “I’m here to save my daughter’s life, but I’m not expecting miracles, I’m expecting more than 9 months, and that’s all I ask…” She smiled, and gave me the look and responses of a Dr. who could give me more, and that’s all I needed, some hope… Yesterday was the first day since diagnosis that I could visualize Katie surviving beyond 9 months. It’s hard to imagine how important that is to a mom who’s grieving a living child’s death. But I don’t have to imagine any more. Thank you – mom

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15 thoughts on “9 Months

  1. Wow!! The joy my heart felt when you wrote what the doctor said. Jaime you and Katie means the world to us. Hope such a small word. But fills us up with joy! Thank you for sharing.

  2. Sending you and your whole family hugs and continued prayers. I will be sharing this with your Alpharetta iStar family! We love you!

  3. I am so glad you are getting some hope it makes my heart swell. Dang I have tears over here… Hang in there 🙂

  4. Never Ever Give Up! I know you won’t. I am still praying for and expecting miracles and little Katie is a miracle already. Can I understand all you are going through, no but I’ll be there to say we love and care about Katie and your family. Never stop Hoping!
    1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)
    13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

  5. Thank you for sharing your heart, Jaime. We, those who love and care so deeply for your precious Katie and entire family, will not give up! Hold on to that hope, and know that we are holding on to that hope, too! Through prayer and supplication to God, we will fight with you every step of the way. We are standing with you and believing for a miracle healing for Katie! We love you!

  6. I’m praying for Katie and the family everyday. I’m so glad the Dr has given you some more hope. I love you guys

  7. I love this Jaime and I think it’s wonderful for you to be able to get it out girl release your fears and frustration!!! always cheering for you and the family and little Katherine the brave

  8. Hope is the best. And all of us have that for her. Sharing this just brings happy sad tears to my eyes and pulls on my heart strings. Wishing and wanting more time and seeing that glimpse OF hope that it could and may happen just for that extra time. I wish that so much for her and your family. I’m just glad that you guys are just keeping her happy and letting her enjoy everything. You’ve got so many people that love and care and will help in any way possible which is the best. And we wish we could do more. Love you girl.

  9. I appreciate your honesty about your process so deeply. I can’t even imagine your reality right now…What you are going through. What you are all going through. Every moment in a different way.
    And you will endure this! And Miracles do happen! This treatment has some serious potential! Do not give up hope!
    We are all here with you!
    Tons and tons of love..

  10. I am Katie”s nana schlough , she is my youngest granddaughter, my daughter did a great job with this page and so many more things in this process with are Katiethebrave, the day I found out about my Katie my heart stop, with great pain, with all the support , love and prays and my love of the Lord, has made my heart lighter, I do all I can to help, so Thank you all for all you have done to help my family. Love Nana Schlough

  11. Jaime there are just no words, but every night Miracle & I pray for Katie’s Miracle!! I pray for you too. There’s nothing I can say except I’m sooooo grateful that this doctor can give her more time! I love you I really do!!!!!

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