Will you hold me tight?

#KatherineTheBrave had a hard day. Before the nurse put the NG tube in I explained what was going to happen. In detail. She doesn’t appreciate surprises. She prefers to know her fate. Shes always faced it better this way. Katherine’s response after the description I gave of where the tube would enter and how it works, “Ok. (pause, contemplation, looks at me deeply) Will you hold me tight?” Oh yes baby, I’ll hold you so very tight. She didn’t move or whimper. She didn’t cry or wiggle. She stiffed upper lipped it. As usual.
She deserves more than this. That’s what I told her after she screamed at me tonight that she was mad and wanted to tuck everyone in. It’s a safety blanket for her, to make sure the family is in their beds and near her. I keep telling her none of this is her fault. She didn’t do anything wrong. So tonight after the last anxiety attack, she’s on my lap and I say it again, “None of this is your fault Katie. You are a good girl and you always did what your momma told you to do. Even when you didn’t you wanted to, you just were being a kid. You are such a good girl.” She then went limp. After a day of stress, and fears, and anxiety, her body basically said I’m done.
And she sleeps. Like a sweet innocent baby. Only this innocent sweet 7 year old baby is sleeping after having her throat suctioned out, an NG tube passing through her nasal passage, anti anxiety meds in her system, an empty starving stomach, and a murderous tumor slowly taking what little is left of her quality of life.
#thisisdipg #hernewreality #hellonearth #morethanfour #katherinedeservedmorethanfour #PLEASEShareKatherinesStory 

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