Monthly Archives: December 2017


It’s pretty sad and pathetic when you would be willing to go back to the moments that your child took their last breath. Just to feel them again, to kiss their beautiful face, and to feel their skin and body in your arms. To breathe them in, even if it was the death of them that you inhaled. I would even take that over this existence without her… I would take those excruciating moments just to feel her one more time. Pitiful.

(mic drop) Goodnight. 😔

Break me!

Yell at me. Call me illogical. Call me irrational. Tell me I’m wrong. Go ahead… Wave your hands, and scoff, and roll your eyes when I talk. Speak over me. Why not. Make rude comments, and little jokes at my expense, while the others laugh along with you. Ok…

Trust me, I of all people can handle it. Even for 4 hours straight… Alone.

But you see folks, there is something you don’t know about me… I have fought for an entire year for my child’s life. For 12 months, against all odds. While others decided her fate within hours, and turned their backs on her and her entire family. I have held my child in my hands for three days straight, and witnessed the life leave her body, alone inside, and I had no one. Sure, I had friends and family there, supporting me every step of the entire way. My husband, and other daughters. However, there is no way that you will not feel the deepest feelings of emptiness, pain, heartache and utter lonesomeness when you are in that position. Even in a crowded room, you are alone there. With no hope. So alone and still being strong.

My friends know me, and the old me would have had something else to show you… πŸ™‚ Although, I won’t do that. I will stare at you, smile calmly, and I will speak softly. Now I carry a big stick folks. A strong need to do the right thing, for all the wrong things that were done to us. I didn’t ask for for this big stick, I was burdened with it. It’s all I have, and I will use it. For everyone that deserves it… Especially my family.

You can’t break me. Ever… Especially when I feel that I am right, and I’ve had so little control over so many things in my life. I have control over this, and I am so, so, so much stronger now then I ever was in my life. I get weak, but the fight is still there. I am right, and I believe in what I believe in.

Good luck breaking me… πŸ™‚