All posts by KatherineTheBrave

She’s bigger than school

 

Katherine should be starting school tomorrow. 3rd grade. One of her sisters is a high school senior, and the other a sophomore in college. This countdown is sobering… We’ve seen it in mourning family posts a hundred times in this one week alone. 
So, I got my sad pictures ready. Kindergarten… all smiles. 1st grade… sadness. Thank you steroids. No 2nd grade. No 3rd grade. An empty doorway. An empty walkway. An empty space. Death. How could I let this happen? I kept thinking, with my head hung low… 
But then I realized something… Something I haven’t shared with you all. And that’s where she truly is, and what she is actually doing. How she’s not only a cancer fighter, and tumor donee, she’s a teacher, a traveler, a successful plot twist to a horrible outcome, a wise and knowledgeable force to be reckoned with and studied throughout the world, by those with the bright minds to understand her message. She’s a juggernaut in the pediatric science world, and we are light years away from her amazing grace. She’s a cure. 
As September goes along, I’m going to bring you into Katherine’s new world. Her fight. I’m going to beg you to change your profile into her picture and share her story to encourage you. You’re going to learn things, cool things, as I learn them, and as she’s already mastered them.
Thank you for coming with me. We start tomorrow.

MNO

I am proud to announce that I will be speaking at the Mama’s Night Out Livermore event alongside, Libby Kranz – Jennifer’s mommy. Thank you for the opportunity to share our daughters story and the reasons why our families need your help. Jaime King (Katherine’s mommy) https://unravelpediatriccancer.org/mno/mno-livermore-2017-guest-speaker-lab-info/

Go Gold

Will you #BeAPositiveForce and #GoGold with your profile pic this September for Katherine the Brave? Please change your profile pic to a child fighting cancer in September. You are 199% approved to take Katherine’s. Show people why she mattered. Thank you… #BecauseIMatter

Faded memories

In a week my life will come to a head and my heart will crush over and over as I drive by and see the kids, and frustrated parents, and busy parking lots. I will avoid it as much as possible, to not cause a scene. I will hug my kids on their way out, wishing them luck, and sob alone. Everyone will stress out over their basic life, and I will fall apart over my tragic one. You’ll all expect this from me. It’s my new role in life. To remind everyone how lucky they are, by sharing my miserable existence. 
I wonder if Katherine’s 3rd grade teacher knows she won’t be there this year. I wonder who her third grade teacher would have been. I suppose they won’t know that a child they would have had has died alone, as her mind was fully working and her body completely shut down. I doubt anyone at her school even remembers her this new school year. I have no communication with them. No ones reached out. Their all excited about the new recruits and getting started on a great new year. I’m terrified. I feel like if I did reach out I’d be pushing her death on them. Again… and what would I say… “Please remember my kid.” “She loved school.” “She loved her teachers.” “She was so smart and tried to be a good student.” I know her kindergarten and 1st grade teachers remember her. But I haven’t heard a peep from anyone else who she interacted with there daily. I don’t even know who they are… my life was in turmoil. They’ve never made an appearance, I never reached out. I know everyone knew her. They all stared at me strangely for a year when the diagnosis came down, and several walked up and expressed their remorse. How could they not remember her… I’m so heartbroken because I know in my heart that they don’t. 

She just faded away, and that was it. A soul gone and everyone moves on. Removed from the system with one press of a delete button. A blip in the school district database. Edited out of our reality too. How alike humans and computers are. But a restart won’t fix this error. How can nature be so heartless. To allow people who interacted so closely with a human being, cope with that beautiful human beings death so easily, by erasing her from their thoughts. Removing my child from their subconscious for their emotional stability.
I wish I could forget this whole tragedy. But I can’t. All I can think about is those who can, and I’m envious. I don’t want to forget her. I want her here. Even if it’s just memories. But to have a moment to breathe and not remember the loss, to forget that there was a precious human being torn from our family would be a nice break too. To have a basic life. No wonder they did it. No wonder they forgot. Maybe it isn’t natures cruel response. Maybe it’s easier to delete. 
I’m sorry Katherine. I’m still so sorry. I love you. Loves and Kisses sweetie. See you next time. 👋

Graduation

My now youngest child graduates this school year. Then that’s it. David said, “One more year of PYLUSD. Doesn’t seem right…” When my youngest nieces and nephews are graduating, I’ll be attending their graduations and not my youngest’s graduation. This just hit me. I hate my life right now. Everything about it. It’s like a piece of me was ripped out and the rest of my body still thinks it’s there. Trying to find it. The sudden realizations are killing me. I want and need an escape.

Brave

Where are you my sweet Katherine? Are you off somewhere still being brave? I know you loved horses but we’re still petrified of their size, yet you still got on them for us, for my need to fit it all in, and I’m sure you knew time was of the essence. I hope you know that you don’t have to be brave anymore. You can relax and be a normal kid now. Wherever you are… (can’t stop crying)

How many children do you have?

“How many children do you have?”
It gets me every time… and I’m asked this daily. It’s like I have a target on my head.
On one hand I could say nothing, and push that bitter feeling deep down and move on. Deal with it later. In my own head. It’s my burden anyway… I’ll share it with my friends that “get it.” On the other hand I could tell them the truth. Not give them “the out” for asking. Tell them, and listen to the, “At leasts…” for the next several minutes as I cringe and suppress the urge to tell them how their are “NO AT LEASTS!” in child death. Just pain… and loss, and suffering. No positives. None…
Either way, any answer, I suffer… I’ve been asked this at the salon, the dentist, at the cash counter, social events, behind a bathroom stall door… I wonder what the girls say when asked, “Do you have siblings…” I wonder if they give the same guarded swift spin of the head and dead glare as I have many times… Processing the question. Preparing the answer. Evaluating this strangers ability to be compassionate. As the person stares back wondering what they said wrong… no fault of their own. 
Does this get any easier? It’s shocking every time, and after a year it definitely is not getting any easier. It only makes me angry and frustrated and the person asking doesn’t deserve this. I know… But I don’t either. 😔
I miss you Katie. Your daddy, and sister do too. We love you sweet babieskies. You didn’t deserve to be nothing but a bad response to a bad question at a nail counter, or behind a bathroom stall door. You deserved to live and be the special person you were. Loves and Kisses, See You Next Time…
#KatherineTheBrave

#DIPG

Please Share Katherine’s Story


Our daughter Katherine was given a zero percent chance of survival. She was sent home directly after diagnosis and put on hospice the same day. As others were fighting with hope, she was given none. And we had to plead and beg for any support or medicine that would give her more time. Not a cure. Just more time. And through it all, she handled it with grace and integrity. This is why we called her Katherine the Brave. I miss you sweet Katherine. We will forever share your story.
Please help us share her story.
Thank you. 
#PleaseShareKatherinesStory

#KatherineTheBrave

#DIPG