*GRAPHIC – BUT NECESSARY* *UPDATING WITH TRANSPERANCY*
#KatherineTheBrave is struggling to breathe. She sounds awful and we are suctioning her constantly to keep her from suffocating. We are on 24 hour nurse care and we have her in our arms constantly. She yelled at nana this morning to stop kissing her, so she’s still there.
Last night was hard. She started labored breathing at midnight. Foamy mouth. It’s a bad sign. I remember from my sweet grandmother as she passed of lung cancer. Somewhere in between the suctions, and caressing her tired muscles, I fell asleep. What a slumber. A hard 3 hours. When I woke up she was hot and breathing more heavily than normal. I reached over to touch her and she must have realized I was finally awake, because she leaves over desperately to look at me and her eyes were wide and begging me for help. Her eyes screamed “momma”. I fell apart. This poor child of mine was alone and awake suffering for lord knows how long, and when I woke up she probably thought thank goodness she’s going to save me. I felt like the worst mother. I ran to the kitchen and got every drug she was due for and more and dosed her and calmed her down, called trinity nursing, and held her. Within 10 minutes she was breathing slower and was much cooler. My poor baby. My one goal was to NOT let her suffer and I’ve failed. I will not fail again. I don’t care if I don’t sleep.
I cried all morning. I can’t stop. She’s going. I know it. I’m dying a little each hour as she goes. I know it. We all are.
#FuckDIPG you’ve ruined my life!