Daily Archives: December 11, 2016


This is what we lost because of cancer. #OurJoy #ThisIsDIPG Every day without her is another day we regret. We can’t even decide what to do for the holidays. There will be no cocoa. No garland. No tree. No lights. No sweet cookies baking in the oven. No laughter. If you think this is just my misery and that I am evading my other children, you forget their age. None of us want any of it. We have talked and tried to come up with a plan and it always ends in silence and more questions. Any decision we make is met with concern of regret. We miss her so much. We are wracked with guilt and can’t enjoy ourselves. I don’t need any advice or ideas with this post. I know everyone cares, and has great suggestions, but none of it matters when your family can’t look past their own misery as a whole. We are shells of what we once were. No longer the strong family unit we used to be. At 42, 40, 18 and 17 we all feel the weight of this burden. I have no little children. My girls have opinions and felt their sisters death as an adult would. They are angry, sad, miserable right along with us. There is no joy… and I can’t reach her subconsciously for direction. I’m tired of trying to come up with a damn plan so that my heart doesn’t break. I can’t take it anymore. So there will be no joy. Joy was given no survival rate. Joy was sent home to die at 7 years old. We died too. Thank you cancer. Thank you very much for stealing our joy.