Before the Storm

Update On This Day 2017: This is Katherine resting peacefully in February 2015. This is her before we could even imagine how brave she really was. 5 months before diagnosis, when we were told, and didn’t believe, that she would not survive. That she would slowly succumb and her body would fail her during the process. One year to the week before we were told that the MRI results were not good and there was nothing left they could do to try and save her, and appease our eagerness for her to live. What I realized now, and what I didn’t know then, could never have prepared me for that day. Devastation isn’t even on the scale of meaning for emotions after that realization. As you stare at another human being telling you that your child isn’t worth fighting for anymore. I stayed strong for Katherine. I smiled for my other kids. Let’s make memories we said. Let’s go now… smiling. I sat silent a lot, and felt as if my heart was as thin as tissue paper. I visualized it slowly blowing away in the wind… I felt crushed. Yet, I had no idea what true devastation was… that crushing feeling would grow. There was so much more to come. So much more strength and heartbreak to come.

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