How many children do you have?

“How many children do you have?”
It gets me every time… and I’m asked this daily. It’s like I have a target on my head.
On one hand I could say nothing, and push that bitter feeling deep down and move on. Deal with it later. In my own head. It’s my burden anyway… I’ll share it with my friends that “get it.” On the other hand I could tell them the truth. Not give them “the out” for asking. Tell them, and listen to the, “At leasts…” for the next several minutes as I cringe and suppress the urge to tell them how their are “NO AT LEASTS!” in child death. Just pain… and loss, and suffering. No positives. None…
Either way, any answer, I suffer… I’ve been asked this at the salon, the dentist, at the cash counter, social events, behind a bathroom stall door… I wonder what the girls say when asked, “Do you have siblings…” I wonder if they give the same guarded swift spin of the head and dead glare as I have many times… Processing the question. Preparing the answer. Evaluating this strangers ability to be compassionate. As the person stares back wondering what they said wrong… no fault of their own. 
Does this get any easier? It’s shocking every time, and after a year it definitely is not getting any easier. It only makes me angry and frustrated and the person asking doesn’t deserve this. I know… But I don’t either. 😔
I miss you Katie. Your daddy, and sister do too. We love you sweet babieskies. You didn’t deserve to be nothing but a bad response to a bad question at a nail counter, or behind a bathroom stall door. You deserved to live and be the special person you were. Loves and Kisses, See You Next Time…


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.